Hello, New Life…

Oh, wow. I haven’t updated in forever. I have reasons, but I don’t think it’s really relevant right now.

Currently, I’m stuck at a local library that closes in two hours. That’s why I’m typing this up… so please excuse any mistakes or whatever. I’m kind of over everything right now, and couldn’t care less about grammar/spelling mistakes. I don’t think there will be any, though, since I’m pretty good with that shit.

Anyway, hey.

I have no idea where I left off, but this is a new chapter in my life. I’ve officially been kicked out of my house! That’s right. Today has been so shitty, and I have nowhere to go. I mean, I have stores, which I might hang out in for a bit until I find something better to do, but I don’t know yet. You guys might be thinking, “Jess, go call your dad and ask to stay with him.” Yeah, well, I would, but I don’t want to. Not because our relationship is terrible, which it kind of is, but because I don’t want anything from anyone. Besides, I don’t even talk to him that much. I have no one, technically, and I haven’t for a while.

I guess you’d have to be in my situation to understand my thinking. I’m all over the place right now, ha!

My mother told me to never come back, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to go out and have fun and not think twice about it. I’m going to be my own person, without being told how useless I am. Maybe I’ll disappear forever and throw away my phone. Maybe I’ll drive to New York. Maybe I’ll drive to a small town. The possibilities are endless.

Honestly, I don’t care (or know) what happens now.

I promise to keep you all updated. I know I say that a lot, but I don’t want you guys thinking I’m dead or something stupid like that.

So, until next time…

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Winchester

Well, it’s been a while since the last time I’ve posted, which can mean that’s either a good thing or a bad thing. So here’s your answer: a good thing.

I finally got a car, and most of my trips include going to McDonald’s. In order to fund my “expensive” eating habits, I need to find a job, but I can’t apply for any until I know my schedule for school. So that means I have to go to the college’s campus right near me, which I don’t want to because I have no idea what to ask them about. And then I have to register for classes in order to know my schedule, but the college I applied to said not to yet. It’s all chaotic and confusing right now.

My car’s name is Winchester, and I’d tell you the model of it, but I don’t want someone I know figuring out this is my blog. Sorry! Just know it’s not a truck. There’s no USB input, though, which sucks if my phone’s about to die.

Speaking of the name Winchester, I’ve currently been in love with the show Supernatural. Due to this obsession, I’m planning a summer road trip with Katie. I think I’ve mentioned her in my past posts. She’s going to do the playlists while I plan the rest. I am way too excited for this.

Hope you guys are having great days, weeks, months, and years… If not, watch your favorite show on Netflix (if it’s on there). Or drink. Either or.

The Unknown

I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m stuck between wanting to do everything and wanting to do nothing. I have no support system, but what else is new? I might start running just to clear my mind. I don’t think I’m confident enough to go to the gym.

I know I haven’t posted in a while, which was a good thing up until this week. I was having a good time, but now I fell back to my old self. I’m not happy. I don’t think I was ever really happy, honestly. I’m sick right now, too, which doesn’t make the situation any better.

Also, I’m planning on looking for an apartment away from my mom. She still insults me. Why would I want to live with someone that insults me 24/7? I have no idea. I have no money, no license (still!), and no car. I’m a pathetic loser that has no life.

Talk soon…

A Short Post from the Library

I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve been asking myself whether or not I would look good wearing 90’s clothing rather than today’s fashion trends; when I’ll be getting my license; if I’ll pass my written and driving test the first time; and what I’m going to be doing for college.

I might not be able to go to college full-time this upcoming year. That’s what has me mostly bummed. I wish I applied for some scholarships, honestly.

Also, I almost died twice this week by a semi and a mail truck. I pulled in front of the semi, and it blasted its horn. There was heavy traffic. The mail truck’s tire popped right in front of me, so the loud bang was terrifying for about two seconds.

I’m currently surrounded by attractive guys. I wouldn’t do anything with them for certain reasons, but it’s a good thing I’m legal. They’re idiotic assholes, though. It’s a win-lose situation if you think about their looks versus their personality and intelligence.

There’s still no internet, which is why I’m at the library. I’ve been watching Beverly Hills, 90210 on Hulu, and my type is literally Brandon Walsh. I think I’m in love with him, and I’m only on episode four.

Until next time…

Hell Explained

Ahhhh, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The dirty details of my week in Hell. I won’t really say everything since every little thing isn’t that important or relevant. I’m updating on my last night here. I leave tomorrow. Thank God.

I’ll start off with getting dropped off at the airport, in which my own mother didn’t shed a tear for my departure to the oh-so-boring countryside made for old people. I don’t know what I expected. Maybe some kind of emotion caused by the thought of her only daughter leaving her side for the next three months. Pretty sure she smiled the whole hour ride back home. Ha.

Nothing really important happened at the previous two airports I went to, but later in the day I arrived at the last one and had to wait three hours or so for a ride to the town the grandparents I was going to be living with live in. I have two sets of grandparents that live fifteen minutes from each other. One set is labeled as Hell (grandma and grandpa) and the other is labeled as Heaven (grandfather and grandmother).

My driver loved talking, which kind of annoyed me since I wanted to fall asleep and pretend I was anywhere but in a two-hour car ride. He mentioned his daughters were in the Olympics and had straight-As. I wish!

When we got to the town, which is just a highway, my grandparents greeted me and we go out to this small, loud restaurant next to a nail salon. How crappy and cheap can you get?

The thing about the grandparents I lived with for a week is they hate anyone who has an opinion. I guess my whole family is like that the more I think about it.

My grandma is a bitch. She looks like a deflated frog and wears these awful white tennis shoes with a small black cross body bag. She also waddles like a penguin whenever she walks anywhere. We don’t get along at all.

My grandpa, her partner (they aren’t married but they’ve been together for over twenty years), is hard at hearing, has dentures, and doesn’t wear pants outside. He has this thing in his stomach or chest that will instantly kill him if it bursts out from picking something up that’s too heavy. I’ve wondered how I’d react to the news to his death. Would I be relieved? Cry? Would I be emotionless?

I don’t even know him. I can’t be upset about something like this happening if I never really connected with him, you know? How brutal does that sound? Not crying over my own grandpa’s death?

Anyway, back to the restaurant next to the nail salon… They wouldn’t even let me talk a full sentence, and so I just sat there, eating my fried shrimp and wanting to pass out and die. My grandpa offered some poor kid a bite of his steak. I wanted to crawl in a hole and shrivel up and die right then and there. It didn’t help that I have the same hair color as my grandma and can be mistaken as her daughter or whatever, not that I would be since she’s old as shit. Going out in public with old people is so embarrassing and should be avoided at all costs.

On the other hand, my grandfather is married to a Russian, and it’s the best thing ever. She’s beautiful. Old, but still beautiful. Her name is Sonechka, but we all call her Nechka. Her accent is so thick I can hardly understand what she’s saying half the time, but her hand and arm movements are so exaggerated it looks like she’s playing charades. I just smile and nod whenever I can’t understand what she’s saying. I love being around Nechka.

Her husband, which is my grandfather that actually has his teeth, is big. Double chin, big belly, the works. He’s rich, which makes up for that stuff. He gives me lots and lots of money on holidays and special occasions. Wanna know the best part? His house has no ants or bugs in it. And his dishes are clean and his house doesn’t smell or look dirty!

We had a goodbye dinner tonight, and my grandpa gave me my graduation gift. A necklace from Spain and one hundred bucks. That’s eighty bucks and a necklace more than what my other grandparents (the ones I have been living in Hell with) gave me. You can guess who I like more.

When I told my grandma about the money, she said, “That makes me seem like a cheapskate!” She only buys Great Value, so she really is one.

Hell was terrible. Ants were all in the bathroom, and a moth hung out there for what seemed like forever. I found a spider in the room I was sleeping in, and I actually washed everything I ate with/off before they touched my food. The floor was dirty and gross and seriously needed a sweep and mop to it. I vacuumed the whole house because I was forced to, but at least I put in some effort to clean it up a little. It didn’t last. I was also kicked out of the room when the 5 o’clock news came on, and all my grandpa watched was western and black and white movies. They were so boring and poorly acted.

Their dogs hate me, too. Oh the fun!

Hell, USA

Remember when I said I was looking forward to going to my grandparents for the summer? I take it back.

My life has been literal Hell. I feel as though Hell isn’t red and fiery, but instead is the unhappiness you feel in a situation that fucking sucks. It’s like Bring Hell to Me! is written on my forehead or something.

In a few days (hopefully!) I’ll have wifi and I’ll be farrrrr away from this disastrous place called Grandparents House. The water here is shit and there are ants everywhere. I’ve cried about fifty times since being here. You would too if you were in my situation. 😦

As soon as I get some internet, I’ll tell you guys everything. This week has been so eyeopening, and I can’t wait to spill all the dirty—literally—secrets. I just wanted to let you guys know I’m alive and slowly regretting agreeing to be in this trailer park trash of a house.

Talk 2 ya lataaaaa!